


Sunrise

by Shadow15



Series: From Dusk to Dawn the Dark is Endless [8]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 18:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17667734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: Quill knows it's irrational to be so upset, but he can't help it; it's not like he enjoys how easily his trauma can be set off.  He knows he's overreacting, but there's nothing he can do about it - at least, not so soon, not when he didn't even know he had such a trigger.  But of course, he should have known Thor wouldn't let him feel so bad for too long; the big goofball always had his ways of helping.





	Sunrise

“Thor, I’m not…  I’m not comfortable with this.” 

Thor didn’t know if he should tell Quill how much those words upset him.  He supposed he shouldn’t; conveying his upset with his partner would only cause more stress in Quill and then everything would go to shit - he’d be better off bringing it up tonight at their home once Quill had had time to calm down.   

Not that Thor could ever blame Quill for the heavy emotions he tended to feel - but for once, Thor couldn’t relate to his boyfriend on this matter, and he worried it would create problems between them. 

Thor reached out to wrap his arm around Quill now that they were standing outside the front door of Clint and Natasha’s home.  He smiled as he shook his head and murmured, “Please give it a go, Peter. It would mean a lot to everyone if you at least try.” 

Quill’s stomach felt like it was cramping, and his trembling hands wiped away beads of nervous sweat from his face as anxiety raged in his chest.  His eyes were wide as he looked fearfully at Thor and whimpered, “I-is it gonna cry, Thor…?” 

Thor didn’t know how to respond to the question.  He pondered over it, trying to decide the best thing to say, but in the end he could only kiss Quill’s temple and whisper, “If he does, then we will go home, okay?” 

Quill gave a stiff nod.  He reached out with his sweaty hand to take hold of one of Thor’s as his boyfriend rang the doorbell.  His body quivered violently as he chewed at the nails on his free hand, looking anywhere but at Clint once the door had been opened for them to enter. 

“Hey, is Quill okay?” If Clint had had a greeting for them both, it was lost as he immediately felt concern over the clear-cut case of anxiety Quill was suffering. 

Thor’s lips moved wordlessly for a few seconds before he forced another smile onto his face and said, “I am with him, Barton.” 

Clint knew not to pry, but the confusion was still there; Quill had been to his house before, and he had seemed fine with Thor by his side every time. 

But here and now, Quill looked as if he’d just been stalked by a monster in the woods.  

“Alright, buddy…” Clint wasn’t convinced, and he doubted he could be.  “In the living room. Nat’s got him in there.” 

Thor looked so excited as he dragged Quill through the house, but Quill matched the description of someone being forcibly dragged towards the corpse of a loved one.  Clint truly didn’t know what to think. 

“Natasha!” Thor let go of Quill’s wrist once his friend was in sight.  He hurried to her side so he could drop to his knees and look closely at the tiny bundle in her arms.  His smile was so bright, his grin huge as he looked back to Natasha and asked, “What is his name?” 

“Charlie.” Natasha herself looked happier than Thor had ever really seen her, and that in turn raised his own spirits through the roof.  “He is three weeks old.” 

Thor cooed at the newborn baby wrapped snugly in fabrics.  His fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch, to hold, and to  _ love _ , but he knew not to; not without Natasha’s permission first.  “He is so cute~! I love his hair! He has so much of it!” 

Natasha chuckled at her friend’s exuberance.  She cast a glance at Quill, seeing him sitting so dejectedly on the couch by himself, he looked like he was going to cry.  She nudged Thor with her knee. “Quill’s upset.” 

“I know,” Thor murmured.  “I do not quite understand why.” 

“Go sit with him, big guy.  He needs you.” 

Thor didn’t hesitate to obey.  He dropped himself beside Quill with a cheery sound before he draped his arm over Quill’s shoulders and pulled him in close.  “Peter, you should come and see the baby! He is so cute!” 

When Quill looked up at Thor with teary eyes, Thor quietened down and held him tighter.  He dragged his fingers through soft brown curls slowly, trying so hard to understand why Quill had been so unsettled by the knowledge of his friends having a baby together.  

Quill sniffed back tears and turned his head to watch Natasha warily.  He could see Clint not far from her, sorting through a box of assorted items for something, and it only made Quill’s heart race faster at the idea Clint could be getting something to hurt them all with. 

Quill knew it was stupid; he hadn’t really feared Clint once he’d gotten to know the man - but suddenly, it was as if his trust has vanished. 

The world was starting to spin for Quill, and the voices surrounding him were becoming deafening.  He felt like he was suffocating, like perhaps this wasn’t reality or maybe even he wasn’t  _ real _ .  His breathing turned harsh as ragged pants escaped, and in an effort to drown out some of the excess noise, he slapped his hands over his ears.  His eyes darted around the room, trying to find an escape route, but when he felt a warm hand clasp his own, he startled and whimpered. 

“Peter?” Thor was looking at him in concern.  Thor knew Quill’s reactions well, and the way he was acting was nothing short of a trauma response.  Thor  _ truly  _ didn’t understand; how could coming to see such a cute baby upset someone so badly?  Did Quill not like babies? God, he hoped not… “Peter, what is wrong?” 

Quill shook his head hastily.  He moved to hide partially behind Thor, peering out over his shoulder at Natasha and the baby warily.  “...” 

“Peter…” Thor squeezed Quill’s hand and sighed.  “Maybe I should take you home…” 

Natasha and Clint shared a look with each other.  It was Natasha who cleared her throat to gather Thor’s attention and say, “Maybe he needs fresh air, Thor.  Take him outside for a bit and see how he feels.” 

Thor nodded.  He didn’t  _ want  _ to go home; he wanted to spend as much time with the baby as Natasha and Clint would allow him to - but Quill… clearly didn’t want to be here, and Thor could barely stand that knowledge.  

“Peter, come outside with me.” Thor had gotten to his feet, and he’d reached out to help Quill do the same, but he froze when the baby started crying; of all times to do so, it had to be now when Quill was…  “Peter?” 

Quill was locked away in his mind, Thor could see that much.  His hands were clawing at his ears, desperate to block all sound out, and his eyes were wide and brimmed with tears as he threw his head all over the place.  His body twitched and spasmed violently, whimpers of fear and what sounded almost like  _ pain  _ escaping him.  

But before Thor could snap him out of it, Quill had jumped up from the couch and smashed through the sliding glass door so he could flee towards the woods out the back of the property.  

“Peter, stop!” Thor chased after him desperately, terrified to think of what was happening with Quill.  “Peter!” 

Quill stopped eventually, but it wasn’t until he’d sprinted so far from the house, it was nothing but a small speck in the distance.  He was still shaking and gasping for air as he bled heavily from his face and hands, clawing handfuls of hair from his head, so Thor didn’t touch him; he just stood close by and caught his own breath as he watched Quill carefully. 

It was a panic attack, Thor could tell, coupled with some sort of trauma reaction Thor had never really seen from Quill before.  But he knew to wait it out, so he got his phone out of his pocket and texted Natasha. 

_ -I AM SO SORRY :(  I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM.  I HAVE HIM NOW BUT HE IS NOT OKAY YET :( - _

Natasha’s reply was swift.   _ -It’s okay, big guy.  Just take care of him and get him better.-  _

Thor wasn’t going to abandon Quill out here on his own, so even though it took a long time until Quill had calmed down enough to sprawl dazedly in the dirt, Thor stayed with him, as patient as ever.  

Finally, Quill spoke, albeit in a tiny, distant tone.  “Every time I cried as a kid, Ego made sure I  _ really  _ had something to cry over…  My mother would try and stop him…  And she’d get beaten, too. I’ve never been around a baby before.  I’ve never been around  _ kids  _ before.  Only… Only ever adults.  So hearing a baby cry, I… I-I knew it would make me remember…”

Thor pulled Quill into his arms and held him tight.  He was beginning to understand now, and he felt horrible that he had never considered Quill’s trauma might have been the thing holding him back.  “Peter… Is it only because it scares you to hear a baby cry?” 

Quill shook his head.  “It’s…  _ painful _ .  I know I shouldn’t…  I fuckin’  _ know  _ I shouldn’t…!  ...But all I can think about is that soon they’re gonna hurt their baby and I’ll have to watch it happen…” 

“They would  _ never  _ harm their baby!” Thor exasperated.  “They  _ love  _ their baby, Peter!  They aren’t  _ like  _ Ego!  Do not ever say they could be!” 

Quill flinched and let out a sob.  “I-I can’t help it, man! I don’t  _ know  _ how you’re supposed to interact with babies!  All I know is that my dad threw me against walls and kicked me in the stomach so hard, I spent most of my childhood vomiting blood!  I don’t  _ know  _ what else to expect, man!  That shit is all I  _ know _ !”

“Peter!” Thor had tears of his own in his eyes now as he grabbed Quill’s shoulders and held on tight.  “Peter… Peter, you are too silly! Babies are supposed to be  _ loved  _ and  _ looked after _ !” 

“And I don’t know how to do that!” Quill yelled as tears gushed down his cheeks, mingling with blood Thor hadn’t thought to try and stem.  He let out a loud sob as he pulled away and whispered, “I never  _ had  _ that, Thor…!  Only by my mother.  ...And she…  _ died _ .  Because of  _ me _ .  Because she  _ loved  _ me too much…  So don’t yell at me because I never got what everyone else got!  I didn’t ask for Ego! I didn’t ask for my mum to try and take me away and get caught and…  A-and… It’s not  _ my _ fault I never knew what love was!”

Thor didn’t know what to say.  He wished he’d considered all of this and factored it in to Quill’s strange behaviour - but instead, he’d been such a horrible boyfriend, he’d surely  _ pressured  _ his lover into doing something he’d continuously told Thor he didn’t want to do.  “Peter, I… I-I am sorry…” 

“No,  _ don’t,  _ man!  I  _ told  _ you I can’t deal with this!  I-I… I got my mother killed, and now I have to sit there and watch a little baby get  _ everything  _ I missed out on!  A mother! A father!  ...L- _ love _ …” Quill swallowed heavily, but it wasn’t enough to get the agonised quiver out of his voice as he sobbed himself silly and whispered, “S-safety!  And I know it’s stupid that I think the baby is going to get hurt when I  _ know  _ it won’t, but I  _ can’t fucking help it! _ ”

Thor’s hands reached out to cup Quill’s face as he sniffed back his own falling tears.  “Peter…” 

“You don’t understand…” Quill wiped at his eyes, “...just how much it  _ hurts,  _ Thor…  Everything I’d spent my  _ life  _ knowing I’d  _ die  _ to just  _ experience for once _ …  To have a  _ mother  _ again…  To know…  What it feels like to have parents who love you…” 

Thor knew what he had to do.  He’d been selfish enough forcing Quill to come here; as much as he didn’t want to leave, Quill needed him.  

Thor kissed Quill’s forehead before he whispered, “Let’s go home, Peter…  I’m so sorry…” 

When Quill didn’t reply, Thor knew no amount of apologising could ever take away the pain he’d forced Quill through today.   

* * *

 

Thor hadn’t asked Quill to go and see the baby again.  Every time he’d gone to Clint and Natasha’s, he’d gone on his own, leaving Quill by himself. 

Thor wasn’t sure Quill ahad forgiven him. In hindsight, Thor probably wouldn’t have forgiven either if positions were reversed. 

“Are you mad at me?” Thor hated how pathetic he sounded, as if he’d become this meek little child afraid to get into trouble. 

From where Quill lay on the couch with his eyes closed lightly, he cracked an eyelid open to peer up at Thor.  He hesitated before he licked his lips and uttered, “No…”

“You just have been quiet lately,” Thor pointed out.  “Are you feeling okay?”

Quill shrugged.  He closed his eyes again and reached out blindly to pull his blanket up from over his legs and tuck it beneath his chin.  “Yeah, man.”

Thor frowned.  He wasn’t convinced that Quill was okay, but he knew if he pressed about it, it would only cause more distance between them.  Instead, he reached out to lift Quill by the shoulders so he could sit on the couch and let Quill rest his head on his lap. 

Quill hummed when he felt thick fingers drag through his hair.  He snuggled in closer, making himself more comfortable before he opened his eyes and turned his head to peer up at Thor.  “Can I play with your phone…?” 

Thor pulled his phone from his pocket and passed it to Quill.  He didn’t look to see what Quill was doing with the phone; he only tore his eyes away from the TV when he heard Quill’s quiet tone.  “Sorry, Peter?” 

Quill turned the phone around to show Thor the screen.  He watched as his lover’s frown deepened. “I said, are they going to have another baby?” 

Thor hummed as he gently took the phone from Quill’s hand so he could look at the photo on his Facebook clearly.  His frown turned into a smile at his friends’ baby looking so happy, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart hurt at the knowledge that he might never have a child of his own.  “I do not know, sweetheart. Why do you ask?” 

“Just ‘cause…” Quill picked at his chin uneasily.  “I mean… Do they  _ want  _ another baby…?” 

“Sweetheart, is this about  _ you _ ?” Thor reached down to cup Quill’s face and turn his head so they locked gaze.  

Quill shrugged again in an effort to keep up his uncaring facade.  “Why would it be about  _ me _ ?” 

Thor stroked Quill’s head again. “Because you are in pain about your childhood.” 

Quill sighed. He could have lied and said it wasn’t about that at all - but Thor knew him so well, knew just how terribly Ego had shaped his life, Thor would never believe him.  He ducked his head and gripped tightly at his blanket. “...It’s just… It really fucked me up, what Ego did to me… Dude, I don’t even know if it’s  _ about  _ Ego anymore!  ...Rather, I think it’s because I’m so insecure about myself…” 

“Sweetheart, what you have been through in your life is  _ terrible _ ,” Thor promised.  “And if this is about how you feel so unwanted, I can name so many people who  _ do  _ want you, Peter.  If you can trust that just  _ one  _ person wanted you, trust that  _ Yondu  _ wanted you.” 

Quill’s frown grew as tears welled up in his eyes.  “ _ Don’t _ …  Just…  Just  _ don’t _ .” 

Thor didn’t argue.  He sat quietly, threading his fingers through his lover’s hair as he tried to think of what he could say to help.  

But before Thor could come to a decision, Quill spoke again. 

“Yondu asked me once if I wanted to have kids when I got older…” Quill’s throat tightened at the memories.  “I just… I freaked out - all I could think was that I was gonna be like my dad if I ever had kids… Yondu never asked again.” 

Thor wrapped his arm around Quill’s middle and pulled him closer.  He shook his head, and with all the sadness of a grieving man on his face, he murmured, “Peter…  I do not believe you could  _ ever  _ be like Ego.  You are  _ better  _ than him, sweetheart.  ...And truthfully…? I would  _ love _ for us to adopt a child one day; I believe you would be a  _ great  _ parent.” 

Quill sniffed back tears so he could look Thor in the eyes and utter, “R-really…?  But you’ve never said anything about it before, man…” 

“Because  _ you  _ have never spoken of children to me, either, and thus I was uncertain on your stance,” Thor explained.  “It was not a priority for me to talk to you about; whether or not we ever have children together, I am still happy.” 

Quill didn’t know how to respond to the statement, so he closed his eyes and rolled over to rest his face against his lover’s stomach.  “M’tired…” 

Thor smiled sadly.  He rubbed the top of Quill’s head with the tips of his fingers as he murmured,  “Rest, then, sweetheart. I will be here with you.” 

* * *

 

Quill glanced over his shoulder at the stove to check on the food he had cooking in the saucepan.  The sight of the spaghetti sauce simmering calmly had him turning back to the three bowls of animal food he’d been preparing for his pets, and with just a few finishing touches, he placed the dog bowls on the ground and left one on the counter for Rocket.  

Dinner still wasn’t ready, and Thor wouldn’t be home for another twenty minutes, so Quill took the time to stack the dishwasher and set it so that it would be one less chore for Thor to do tomorrow.  

That left Quill without anything to do though.  He let out a sigh, and in a dejected manner, he turned the stove off and dragged his feet to the dining table so he could play with his phone instead.  

Quill wasn’t sure why he kept his Facebook.  He’d pondered it many times, deactivating it even more, but he supposed it was the fact that he liked the way his news feed mostly consisted of animal photos that kept him coming back eventually.

But tonight, his Facebook wasn’t as full of animals as it tended to be; his Facebook friends had been posting, and it was hard to not take notice of Clint and Natasha each posting photos of their baby on their own accounts since it was really all that Quill was coming across.

Quill’s shoulders slumped.  He thought about deactivating his Facebook again and tossing his phone over his shoulder, but that was before he scrolled down just enough to see the way Natasha had posted a video of Clint with the baby.  

“O-oh…” Quill swallowed past the golf ball in his throat.  He was almost too afraid to watch it, terrified of having to watch Clint do something to the baby.  

It was the fact that said baby was laughing and squealing as Clint played peek-a-boo that kept Quill’s attention, and there was not a single thing in that video that Quill could say Ego had or would have done, too. 

Quill sat, mesmerised, as he looked at video after video from his friends’ account.  His jaw was taut, and his eyes watered as he realised that perhaps he’d been wrong to assume they would have been no different to Ego, because for what it was worth, he remembered his mother treating him very much the same as how to Natasha and Clint parented.  

Quill wiped at his eyes when he heard the front door open.  He bit back a sob as he turned his phone off and tossed it into the middle of the table so he could lean back and listen to Thor’s footsteps approach. 

When Thor stepped into the kitchen, he was beaming. “Peter~  I have missed you~” 

Quill closed his eyes and relaxed into his lover’s arms once they wrapped around him and held him tight.  He let out a heavy sigh before he murmured, “There’s food on the stove…” 

“You did not dish up, sweetheart?” Thor’s heart sunk when Quill shook his head.  “Why not?” 

“Not hungry.” Quill allowed Thor to hold him a few moments more before he pulled away and mumbled, “Gonna go sleep…  Night.” 

Thor didn’t point out it was barely seven at night; Quill would already know, and he had his reasons for wanting to be left alone. 

Needless to say, when Thor went to bed a couple hours later as well, he wasn’t convinced Quill was asleep - but nevertheless, Thor left him alone and went to sleep. 

* * *

 

The months passed, and while Thor was away on business, Quill was left to fend for himself. 

_ Knock knock _

Quill turned his head towards the front door at the knocking.  He hesitated, but after dropping his wet work uniform back into the washing machine, he crept to the front door as silently as he could and peered out of the peephole. 

Quill sighed in relief at the sight of Steve, pressed against the door as he tried to avoid the rain lashing out over the balcony corridor. 

Quill unlocked the door and let his friend in.  “Thor said you’d come tonight.” 

“Is it a bad time for you?” As gentle as ever, Steve didn’t look upset at all at the idea of going back home. 

“Nah, it’s fine; I was just washin’ my work clothes.” Quill shut the door and locked it again behind Steve.  

“Thor was worried because you haven’t been answering his texts,” Steve explained gently.  “Are you okay?” 

Quill nodded. “I’m fine; I think I lost my phone somewhere ‘cause I couldn’t find it when I got home.” 

“I’ll let Thor know,” Steve promised.  He turned around to leave, but he stopped when Quill reached out to curl his fingers into the sleeve of his jacket. “Peter?” 

“Can you stay?  ...Just for a bit.”  Quill tried hard to keep the anxiety out of his voice, but he knew Steve wasn’t fooled; Thor had been gone a week, and it was expected Quill needed someone.  

Steve smiled. “Sure.  Do you need help with anything?” 

”Nah, man; I’m good.  ...Just… Just keep me company, okay?” 

Steve nodded. He moved to make himself comfortable on the couch, scratching the dogs behind their ears while he glanced nervously at Rocket on the other end of the couch.  “Is he gonna bite me…?” 

Quill snorted.  He came to pick Rocket up and put him in his room, and with that, he went back to the laundry to put his clothes in the dryer and then go to the kitchen to get them both cans of coke. 

“Thor misses you,” Steve murmured once Quill was kicking his feet out into the coffee table beside him.  “He hates being away from you.”

Quill sighed sadly.  “I miss him, too… I can’t sleep on my own anymore; I got too used to him holding me at night and now I can’t sleep without him.” 

“It will be the same for him,” Steve promised.  He reached out to touch Quill’s shoulder in reassurance, but he pulled his hand back to himself when Quill cringed and moved away.  “Sorry; I know you don’t like people touching you.” 

Quill shrugged. He took a deep breath to fight back the anxiety before he shook his head and forced himself to move closer, no matter how much he didn’t like being near to people he wasn’t close with.  “It’s okay… You can touch me; I’m working on that with Thor.”

Steve nodded. As tenderly as he could, he put his hand lightly on Quill’s knee for a few moments until Quill was tense beneath his palm. He pulled back.  “Thor is proud of how far you’ve come, and so are we.”

Quill offered a weak smile.  He changed the subject, talking idly about his day at work and how Kraglin had gone to the hospital after getting his hand caught in a belt and subsequently crushed.  He mentioned briefly how he hadn’t realised how happy he was to be working until he’d gone back to Yondu’s mechanic shop to keep the man’s legacy alive. He laughed about one of his customers, complaining of a rattling noise that was only loose golf balls rolling around in the trunk. 

But finally, with Steve being as good a listener as Thor was, Quill mumbled, “Something’s been bothering me, though…”

“Yeah?” When Quill hesitated to explain, Steve prodded gently. “Is it about Clint and Natasha’s baby?”

Quill lifted eyes he didn’t even realise he’d lowered to meet Steve’s gaze. “How’d you know?”

“Thor told us. He was really worried about you.” 

Quill nodded in understanding.  “Right. Yeah, it’s just… Thor likes babies, but I… don’t know.  But lately… Lately, I feel like I’m kind of…  _ curious _ . You know?  But at the same time, I’m  _ scared _ .  I just…  I don’t want to be like my dad…” 

Steve chuckled fondly.  “Peter, you have  _ nothing  _ to fear in that regard.  You’re  _ gentle _ .  I don’t think a little baby would change that. In fact, I think a baby would only bring that out in you even more.” 

“You think so…?” 

Steve nodded.  “I think, if you gave them a chance, you’d find yourself really liking them - after all, didn’t you spend an hour getting baby kittens out of your neighbour’s engine so they were safe?” 

Quill lowered his gaze again and shrugged.  “I couldn’t live with myself if I let them die…” 

“Because you’re  _ gentle _ ,” Steve promised.  “A baby isn’t going to change that.  Why don’t you go see the baby now and see how you feel?” 

Quill chewed at his lip for a few seconds before he shook his head. “Not today; I’m really tired from work…  Maybe when Thor is home.” 

Steve didn’t push; instead, he sat back and made himself comfortable so he could say, “Hey, do you want to order a pizza?  My treat.” 

Quill nodded, the tension leaving his shoulders now that he could focus on something else. “Sure, I’m a bit hungry.” 

Steve said nothing about the noticeable way Quill’s clothing hung a little looser on his body, hinting at weight loss; Quill would start eating again when Thor came home, because Quill always stopped eating properly without Thor around.  “What pizzeria do you like, Peter?” 

“I’m not sure what it’s called; you’d have to text Thor and ask him.” 

Steve did just that; and once the pizza was ordered, he turned the TV on and relaxed with Quill. 

* * *

 

Thor came home a week later, and all Quill had wanted to do was curl up in bed with his lover and enjoy the warmth he had so greatly missed. 

Thor indulged in Quill’s wishes, holding him close and stroking his head as they dozed together lightly, the sound of Quill’s Walkman playing in the background soothing for them both.  

Thor was the first of the two to wake up, to the angry stomps of the neighbours overhead, but he didn’t mind; it meant he could watch Quill as he rested. 

Quill, too, awoke eventually to the shouting of his neighbours, and though his body tensed and he moved closer into Thor’s arms for protection, he didn’t complain; Quill had been getting better, and that was all Thor cared about. 

“It is okay,” Thor whispered. He kissed Quill’s head and rubbed his lover’s back, comforting him.  “I am here.”

“They’ve been doing that, dude…” Quill whispered back.  “I couldn’t sleep last night ‘cause they kept yelling at each other.”

Thor kissed Quill’s head again.  “Sweetheart, it is okay. They are not yelling at you.” 

“I know, man. I just hate it.” Quill closed his eyes again and snuggled in against Thor’s front.  “I hate yelling…” 

Thor went to say something about it, to reassure Quill that he was safe, but he kept quiet when Quill reached out to touch his fingertips against Thor’s cheek and let out a tired sigh.  

“I saw Nat’s baby yesterday,” Quill whispered.  “She let me hold him…”

Thor beamed.  He pressed their foreheads together and stared into his lover’s eyes so he could respond.  “Do you like him, Peter? He is so cute, isn’t he?” 

Quill nodded.  “He didn’t cry yesterday.  Nat said he doesn’t cry much now, and he smiled at me, Thor. He  _ smiled _ .” 

Thor wasn’t sure he could express how happy it made him to see Quill so pleased.  “He knows you are a good person, Peter. I have always wanted children, even when I was young.”

“Would you mind if we never have kids?” 

“No,” Thor promised.  “I will never mind because at the end of the day, I have you, Peter.” 

Quill didn’t respond for quite some time, but eventually, he whispered, “I’m thinking maybe I want a kid, too…  But I need time to work it out.” 

“Take as long as you need,” Thor reassured.  “I am happy with whatever you decide you want, Peter.” 

Quill nodded, and with that, he drifted back into sleep. 

* * *

 

Quill wished he’d gotten sick while Thor was away, because at least then he could have lazed in bed all day guilt free - but now, with Thor only home for a few days, Quill hated not being able to spend time with him. 

Of course, when Quill was woken again by the sound of the bedroom door opening quietly, he let his eyes snap open so he could sit up and reach his arms out for a hug. 

“Thor…?” Quill wiped his running nose on the back of his sleeve as his attention was grabbed by the cardboard box in Thor’s arms. “What’s that?” 

Thor smiled as he sat down on the mattress beside Quill and opened the box. “Peter said I could take them for you - because he did not want them going to a bad home and he knows you will look after them.” 

Quill frowned as he reached into the box and picked out a tiny black kitten, so small, it lay helplessly in the palm of his hand.  He looked back at Thor. “Thor, they’re babies… They need their mother.” 

Thor shook his head.  “I asked Peter if I could take them now so you can raise them - to see that having kids is not so different to having animals.”

Quill understood now, and he couldn’t help but wipe away stray tears forming in his eyes.  “Rocket was a baby when Yondu gave him to me… Yondu taught me how to look after him. ...Yondu… said he loved how well I took care of him when no one had taken care of  _ me… _ ”

Thor smiled sadly.  He reached into the box to pull the remaining kittens out and place them on the bed, watching as they moved weakly side-to-side in search of their mother.  “I bought kitten formula and feeding syringes; we can feed them now if you would like.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Quill reached down to pick up a grey striped kitten as well and hold it and the black one against his heart.  “They’re so cute. Can we keep them all?” 

Thor chuckled.  “We cannot keep all of them but I am sure two will be okay.  We will make sure we find great homes for the other ones.” 

Quill meant forward to kiss Thor’s cheek, not wanting to get him sick.  “You’re the best.” 

Thor grinned to himself as he left to prepare the kittens’ food.  When he came back, he watched so happily the way Quill was so lovingly and tender as he cared for the kittens, even in his sick state.  

Thor hoped doing this would help Quill understand that he didn’t have to be fearful of being a parent, and that he already had the paternal instincts inside him. 

At three-thirty that morning, when Thor was woken by his lover getting out of bed to tend to the meowing kittens in the box against his side of the bed, he smiled; hopefully Quill would see what Thor could one day. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
